All is fair in love and war and love
The end of this semester marks the end of a war for me. I've done things that I'm not proud of, and I won. I have hurt someone I loved, purposefully. I've hurt innocent bystanders. The part that upsets me most is knowing that I would do it all over again. I wonder about the person that I have become and what all of this has cost me.
The Ole Miss game and David's drunken rampage brought a public end to a private struggle that's gone on for the better part of two years. My own personal Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The fallout from these events will probably continue to cause damage for the next few months (years?).
I'm giving up on Howard. He will always have a special place in my heart as my first love, but I've given up to much waiting on him. I can't wait around forever for someone who may not even really love me. All of this has made me realize that I've become someone I don't like. I've done terrible things to keep his/our secret. I'm going to work to get back to who I used to be.