Tuesday, December 19, 2006

My Pinocchio

I just made you up to hurt myself...
and it worked

I talked to David Saturday night. He told me some things about Howard I didn't know. Howard threw him to the wolves and started the whole rumor to cover his own ass. At one point he loved me. He told David that he's in love with him now. I don't understand how he could intentionally hurt the two people he cares about. He's not the guy I thought he was. To make matters worse, David likes me. We made out and he wanted me to come home with him. I turned him down and we later agreed that it would be a terrible idea to get together. It would hurt too many people we care about and make a messy situation ten times messier.

But that night I realized that I have been in love with someone who doesn't exist. I ignored the worst parts of Howard and convinced myself that everything he'd done to hurt me was justified. I made him up, a fictional Howard who was perfect in every way. And in doing so, I set myself up for a world of disappointment.

No more pinocchios. The next time I fall in love, I'll make sure it's with a real boy.

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